Limerence vs. Love: How to Tell the Difference

Have you ever found yourself wondering whether it’s limerence vs love? —constantly thinking about them, wondering if they feel the same way, and experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions? It can be hard to know whether this intense feeling is real love or something else entirely. If you’ve ever found yourself questioning whether what you’re feeling is love or limerence, you’re not alone.

In this blog, we’ll break down the key differences between limerence and love, and help you understand what’s going on in your heart and mind.

8 minute read

What does limerence mean?

Limerence is often described as an intense, almost obsessive form of infatuation. It can feel exciting, but also exhausting. When you’re experiencing limerence, your thoughts constantly revolve around the person you’re infatuated with, and your emotions can swing between extreme highs and deep lows.

Some common signs of limerence include:

• Obsessive thoughts: You can’t stop thinking about them, whether you’re imagining your future together or obsessing over every little detail of your interactions.

• Emotional rollercoaster: One moment, you feel euphoric and hopeful; the next, you feel anxious, frustrated, or unsure about their feelings.

• Idealization: You see this person as perfect and ignore their flaws, often creating a fantasy around them that doesn’t align with reality.

• Dependence on reciprocation: You feel elated when they show you attention, but devastated when they don’t.

Limerence is intense and can feel consuming, but it’s important to recognize that it’s not the same as real, lasting love.

What does love look like?

Love, on the other hand, develops over time and is grounded in a deeper sense of emotional connection, trust, and mutual respect. While limerence can feel all-consuming, love is more stable and enduring.

Key characteristics of love include:

• Trust and security: Love thrives in a safe, trusting environment where both partners feel emotionally supported.

• Emotional depth: Love goes beyond the surface. It involves knowing and accepting the other person, including their flaws and imperfections.

• Mutual respect: Healthy love is about both people respecting each other’s individuality, boundaries, and needs.

• Partnership: In love, both partners work together to nurture the relationship, supporting each other’s growth and well-being.

Unlike limerence, which is driven by emotional highs and lows, love provides a steady foundation built on trust, communication, and mutual care.

Limerence vs. Love: key differences

Let’s compare the two side by side. Here are some of the key differences:

• Obsessive vs. Stable: Limerence is fueled by uncertainty, creating feelings of anxiety and obsession. Love, however, is built on trust and feels secure.

• Highs & lows vs. Emotional security: Limerence feels like a rollercoaster of emotions—exciting but unstable. Love is more consistent and grounded, offering emotional security.

• Idealization vs. Seeing the whole person: In limerence, you may focus only on the other person’s positive traits and ignore any red flags. In love, you accept each other’s flaws and work together to grow.

• Reciprocity dependence vs. Unconditional care: Limerence often depends on receiving attention from the other person. Love, however, is not conditional on reciprocation. It’s about genuine care, regardless of what you get in return.

How to tell If you’re in limerence or love

If you’re not sure whether what you’re feeling is limerence or love, here are some self-reflection questions to help you gain clarity:

• Do I love them for who they are, or for how they make me feel?

• Would I still care for them if they changed or weren’t available?

• Do I feel anxious when they don’t give me attention, or do I feel secure even when they’re not around?

Taking the time to reflect on your emotions and motivations can give you a clearer picture of where you stand.

Can limerence turn into love?

It’s possible for limerence to evolve into real love, but it’s not automatic. For limerence to develop into love, both partners need to build trust, emotional maturity, and mutual respect over time. This requires open communication, self-awareness, and a willingness to grow together.

However, if the relationship remains centered around obsessive thoughts and emotional highs and lows, it may stay stuck in the limerence phase. The key is to shift from dependency to a more balanced, healthy emotional connection.

Getting out of limerence

If you find yourself caught up in limerence, it’s important to take steps to detach from obsessive thoughts and focus on your emotional well-being. Here are a few tips to help you move forward:

• Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. Acknowledge when you’re idealizing the person and try to see them realistically.

• Focus on self-worth: Shift your attention to your own personal growth. Build your self-esteem outside of the relationship.

• Seek support if needed: If you find that your feelings are overwhelming or interfering with your daily life, talking to a therapist can help you work through these emotions.

Limerence is a normal part of the human experience, but understanding the difference between limerence and love can help you make healthier choices in your relationships. Recognizing that limerence is often an initial phase—rather than an enduring form of love—can be empowering.

Remember, real love grows over time, built on trust, respect, and mutual care. If you’re seeking a deep, meaningful relationship, focus on cultivating love that is rooted in emotional security and understanding.

Written by Cara Hernon BSc Medical Science

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